The right thing

How do you get the strength to do the right thing, as an adult survivor?

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t have to worry about the reaction from my family. Most of them haven’t spoken to me since 1987, after my Aunt convinced everyone to disown me, I guess because I was such a terrible person. On that note I would have to say that the majority of my family is fucked up.

Was I really such a horrible person? Did I ever hurt anyone? Oh, the lying, yes I lied when I was in high school. Why? I’m sure the same reason lots of kids lie, I didn’t want to get into trouble. I suppose you were trying to protect me by not telling me my mother was dying. Thanks a lot !

Fortunately for me, my niece talks to me. Why? Why doesn’t she treat me like the rest of the family? Because she knows the truth. She knows because she has lived it. My brother, her father, abused her too. Sick pig!

Yet he is one of them. One of the ones who disowned me. Does he really think he is better than me? He probably thought he would shut me up by getting me out of the family. Well, it didn’t work. Oh it worked for awhile because I was a scared victim. A scared girl who desperately wanted someone to love her.

Why do I hesitate in doing anything? Why am I afraid?

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About Avictimnomore

Lost soul, trying to find myself. Trying to learn to be a survivor of child sexual abuse, the death of my parents when I was a teen, and being disowned by my remaining family.
This entry was posted in adoption, adult survivor of child abuse, awareness, child abuse, death, depression and anxiety, depression awareness, incest, love, parent death, sexual abuse, suicide, suicide prevention, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The right thing

  1. cr8zynfl says:

    According to my therapist, it’s up to me to decide if or what I want to do. I think the right thing would be to bring the person to justice, if that’s possible. He has already hurt others, maybe more than I know. How do I live with the guilt I feel that I didn’t say or do something so many years ago?

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