Just beginning to learn and to understand how my abuse changed me. Changed me from a little happy girl into one who finds it hard, difficult to trust anyone. It’s not just the abuse. My life was a downward spiral and the abuse was just the beginning.
The preface from this book says it well:
Blind to Betrayal Preface
“Betrayal violates us. It can destroy relationships and the very trust we need to be intimate in our relationships. It can and does damage the social fabric that creates the bonds for a healthy society.
In the case of children, the effects can last a lifetime. Betrayed children may grow into adults who fail to trust the trustworthy or who too readily trust people who further betray them. Whether being too willing or too unwilling to trust, difficulty with trust not only interferes with relationships, but also eats away at a strong sense of self. Those who were betrayed as children often suffer severe self esteem problems, as well as depression, anxiety, and even psychosis.”
I knew that I didn’t like what it made me, but I didn’t really know why. Why did I feel so weak? Why did I drink and use drugs at an early age?
I was out of control. I had all of these emotions that I didn’t know what to do with. I just needed to escape!
What I do know is that someone should have helped me.
Now I am almost 50 and just starting to work out these feelings. Such a big part of my life wasted, ruined by my abuser.
How long will it take to become the person I was meant to be? Will I ever be that person?
Do you, my abuser, know what you have done to us? Do you care?