Well, for a short period of time I thought I had some things figured out. Who’s kidding who? Me!
It seems that I go from one extreme to another. One minute I feel like I know what to do about my life. I feel strong and sure. Then a while later I’m confused and sad, depressed and needy.
The first thing I need to do is get a job. On the other hand I sometimes just feel like I need to think and that I need time to get my head together. When I do have a job I end up calling out because I’m depressed. Not good. I feel like if I could take the time and have a peaceful surrounding I could pull it together. I want Zen!
I love my niece, Anna, to death. Does it seem weird since I haven’t seen her since she was a baby? She is 34 now with two pretty little girls. I am so thankful that she has accepted me into her life. I am hurt and saddened by all the people and love, that I feel, was taken away from me. I cherish my relationship with her.
What I need to do right now is to calm down, find my zen, and let my life take its course. Don’t force things. I’m so impatient. I’m so used to things and people in my life being here one minute and gone the next, I just have to rush everything. One reason I make stupid decisions.