TGTO……..Thank God That’s Over!

Here it is the day after Thanksgiving. The feast has been eaten. Done being gluttons until Christmas. All the crazies are out shopping, waiting in line for what seems like forever to get the best deals.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am thankful to have people who love me, who let me into their family. I wonder though about my family. These “Christian” people who are so busy giving thanks, thanking God for all he has given, for being able to be with their family and friends. Did they thank “The Lord” for me? Are they glad I’m in their life?

I write all this, my thoughts, about my family, excluding my niece. As I’ve said before, she is the only person in my family who accepts me, reaches out to me, and loves me. I love her for that and for being true to herself. Trying her best, and not putting up any facade about who she is. She acknowledges her faults and mistakes, as she does mine and others, and loves us all in spite of ourselves.

So, where will I be this Christmas? Here with the people I love. The people who treat me as their own. Wishing I could be with my niece and her family. Still wondering why “my” family doesn’t want me.

You would think that at 50 y.o.a. I would have learned to accept this. After over 25 years I would be “over it”. This feeling of wanting to be a part of “my” family. To be accepted and loved. Even though they have done bad things, wrong things, hurt me, I still want them in my family. I have reached out, extended my hand, only to be rejected, to be hurt again. What a self destructive soul I am.

I don’t profess to be a Christian. I don’t even endeavor to try. And even so, isn’t that the kind of thing a true Christian would do? Isn’t that the way they teach you to be? Isn’t that the way the bible states you should try to be? Does it not state that we are to follow in Jesus’ footsteps? And it’s not just Christianity. Many religions believe we should act in such a manner. It’s just that “my” family profess to be “Christians”.

I know everyone makes mistakes. None of us are perfect. None of us should judge the other, and none of us should try. All I’m doing is stating how I feel. We all will be judged in the end by the being of our choice. Then again maybe we won’t be judged at all. Maybe we will just cease to exist.

I can’t wait for these “family” holidays to be over.


About Avictimnomore

Lost soul, trying to find myself. Trying to learn to be a survivor of child sexual abuse, the death of my parents when I was a teen, and being disowned by my remaining family.
This entry was posted in adoption, adult survivor of child abuse, awareness, death, depression and anxiety, depression awareness, love, parent death, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s