My intention when starting this blog was to be positive, helpful. That hasn’t really worked out.
Today I write because I have all these depressive thoughts building up inside of me, waiting to just explode out of me. I feel like I’ve reached my limit. I don’t think I can take any more.
I’ve spent the past six months being depressed about nothing. I mean, ya, life sucks, but I feel like I should just be able to deal with it. Other people do it. Being sad, not wanting to get out of bed, no energy to do anything. So I got my meds changed again. I think it was starting to help. I was feeling a little better although still depressed.
Then my girlfriends father died last week. Now, dealing with the sadness and all of the realities of life that come next. I want to be strong. I’m really trying, but I don’t think I’m doing a very good job at it. I need to be strong for her and her mother. How can I have the gall to be worried about myself in this situation.
As a whole all three of our lives are being turned upside down. We have to move and get rid of everything. Where do we go with nine cats a dog and a bird. None of us wants to get rid of our pets. I don’t really want to go into the financials but we are left with nothing. The situation is bleak to say the least.
I can’t grasp the reason why I’m here. I have no hope, no faith. I really am questioning the meaning of life. Mine in particular.