Life and death

My intention when starting this blog was to be positive, helpful. That hasn’t really worked out.

Today I write because I have all these depressive thoughts building up inside of me, waiting to just explode out of me. I feel like I’ve reached my limit. I don’t think I can take any more.

I’ve spent the past six months being depressed about nothing. I mean, ya, life sucks, but I feel like I should just be able to deal with it. Other people do it. Being sad, not wanting to get out of bed, no energy to do anything. So I got my meds changed again. I think it was starting to help. I was feeling a little better although still depressed.

Then my girlfriends father died last week. Now, dealing with the sadness and all of the realities of life that come next. I want to be strong. I’m really trying, but I don’t think I’m doing a very good job at it. I need to be strong for her and her mother. How can I have the gall to be worried about myself in this situation.

As a whole all three of our lives are being turned upside down. We have to move and get rid of everything. Where do we go with nine cats a dog and a bird. None of us wants to get rid of our pets. I don’t really want to go into the financials but we are left with nothing. The situation is bleak to say the least.

I can’t grasp the reason why I’m here. I have no hope, no faith. I really am questioning the meaning of life. Mine in particular.


About Avictimnomore

Lost soul, trying to find myself. Trying to learn to be a survivor of child sexual abuse, the death of my parents when I was a teen, and being disowned by my remaining family.
This entry was posted in death, depression and anxiety, depression awareness, love, parent death, suicide, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Life and death

  1. flowmustgo says:

    Faith is powerful. Believe in yourself and keep praying. God will help.

  2. Having a blog you can turn to to release all the shit that rains down on you is positive, even if what you write about isn’t always pretty. Someone out there is going to come upon something you have said and it will resonate with them, help them, inspire them in some way. That’s the best part of this (not so) little blogging community we have going on here. Please keep it up, keep pushing through, keep sharing your story with us. There will come a time when it begins to make sense and come together for you in your life. You’re doing hard work trying to figure yourself out and you should be proud of that!

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