The New Year

You know how on New Year’s Eve you make that happy toast at midnight, to a great new year, wishing all the best, blah, blah, blah. I wasn’t really up for that last night. Ya, I stayed up for the countdown, did the toast with champagne. I just am not buying into it anymore.

I almost didn’t want to do it this year. I mean really, what’s the point?

Looking back, 2014 was a pretty crappy year. I was deeply depressed for a good portion of it. Not wanting to get out of bed most of the time let alone live. I spent three days in a mental health hospital after taking some pills and unsuccessfully killing myself. My girlfriend and I broke up for about a month, but luckily for me she took me back. That was definitely a good thing, her allowing me back into her life. My girlfriends father passed away two months ago. More bad shit for the year.

Looking forward doesn’t really look to bright to me either. I have to admit that I am scared. Big changes have to be made. Moving into a different home with her mother. Trying to find a house to rent that will allow us to keep all of our animals. Giving any of them up will be heartbreaking. I guess this is where I’m supposed to hope for the best.

I have been trying so hard to get out of my depression. It just seems sometimes that life wants to keep me there. I am seriously tired of having to try so hard and struggle to have a happy life without life or whoever constantly throwing wrenches into it. It’s just bullshit!

Ironically, this is probably the best I have felt in a year. I kind of feel like this should be me 20-30 years ago. Trying to figure everything out. I guess I just skated along not thinking about anything. I don’t know. I’m starting to confuse myself, time to stop thinking for the day.

Happy New Year!

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About Avictimnomore

Lost soul, trying to find myself. Trying to learn to be a survivor of child sexual abuse, the death of my parents when I was a teen, and being disowned by my remaining family.
This entry was posted in adult survivor of child abuse, awareness, death, depression and anxiety, depression awareness, love, parent death, suicide, suicide prevention, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The New Year

  1. flowmustgo says:

    Depression is scary. Things will get better. Keep moving, busy
    and Optimistic.

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