Short and sweet

I’m tired of pretending that I’m ok. I’m not

 Last night I made a half assed attempt to kill myself. I took 10 clonazepam they didn’t do shit I’m very disappointed.  I was worried when I went to sleep then I wouldn’t wake up and I would miss my dog. It made me cry. I guess 10 is not enough

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About Avictimnomore

Lost soul, trying to find myself. Trying to learn to be a survivor of child sexual abuse, the death of my parents when I was a teen, and being disowned by my remaining family.
This entry was posted in adult survivor of child abuse, child abuse, death, depression and anxiety, incest, love, sexual abuse, suicide, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Short and sweet

  1. Brent Blonigan says:

    Please do not do this. Certainly, there are others that need you. Do not listen to the lies that you or the depression is telling you. You more than your history. You have to much to offer the world.

    • cr8zynfl says:

      I keep trying and it feels good when I’m positive, proactive, and when I feel like I have something to offer people. Just feeling really down right now. I’m tired of the ups and downs! I just want to feel good for longer than a month at a time.

  2. This breaks my heart to read, for I have been there. You’ll get to where it’s more ups than downs, it just takes time. I still have moments where I want to throw in the towel. If you need anything at all, please email me at thelawyernerd@gmail.com. You aren’t alone in this big bad world and it’s so helpful to reach out to someone, anyone when it gets that bad. Thinking of you.

    • cr8zynfl says:

      Thank you. The constant yo-yo drives me crazy. I feel almost happy when having an up moment, and then I really do believe it will get better. Inevitably I fall back down. 😦 I keep surviving somehow. Thanks

      • That’s part of the process, unfortunately. I wish I could say it isn’t. When you’re in the downs, explore them, find out why they’re there, what the root cause is, and talk to your support group about them. Whether that be us here in the blogosphere or your friends, therapist, family, whoever you trust. Leave all the nitty gritty and unpretty on the table. You have obviously been through so much, so please remember to give yourself credit for the strength that took in and of itself. You can do this too.

      • P.S. If you’re on Twitter, check out @RachelintheOC and #SexAbuseChat evert Tuesday at 6pm PST. Super supportive people there.

  3. Sue S says:

    Read this earlier today and have thought of you often. Life is not easy. For some it seems like they have white-bread, easy peasy lives, but for most of us it is a journey of ups and downs. The goal is to make the most of the ups and live through the downs. Hang on.

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