Almost Christmas

It’s almost here! That wonderful time of year where we all share joy and laughter, good times and good food.

Bah Humbug!

I am dreading Christmas this year more than usual. I am usually a little happy about it. I like the decorations and getting gifts for those you love.  This is the second year no one is doing Christmas in this household. No lights, no decorations, no tree, no presents, no special dinner.

I don’t even believe in Christmas. I think I mentioned that in one of my previous blogs. So why am I upset about it?  I like the idea of the happiness it’s supposed to bring. The joy people usually feel and exhibit during the holidays.  I like the pretty decorations and I like buying and giving gifts.  I think that’s one of the things that has me upset. Gift giving.

I don’t care if I don’t get any gifts, but I want to be able to give gifts to the people I love. I’m just not seeing it as feasible this year.  First off my girlfriend and her family have decided we’re not gift giving this year. Of course I went along wth it, I don’t have any money. Secondly I am just not getting many hours at my already part time job.

I am totally discouraged and trying very hard to maintain my self control and not go off the deep end.  I don’t have enough money to pay my car insurance, my phone bill, get all of my medication.  My car is in desperate need of repair, but not to worry because I’m going to have to park it anyway if I can’t pay the insurance.

I haven’t been this bad off, financially, in a of couple years. I just want to cry. I just want to give up.

As I always say, “At least I’m not jumping off any bridges”.

Yet

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About Avictimnomore

Lost soul, trying to find myself. Trying to learn to be a survivor of child sexual abuse, the death of my parents when I was a teen, and being disowned by my remaining family.
This entry was posted in adult survivor of child abuse, depression and anxiety, depression awareness, Holidays, love, suicide, suicide prevention, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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