Just in case….

Just in in case anybody is paying attention, I hate my life. 

I have little bits of joy here and there.  But for the most part it sucks. 

How much of it is real? How much of it is perceived by me and my insecurities?  How much do I imagine because of the low self esteem and the shitty opinions I have of myself?  How many of these insecurities do other people see in me? Is that what is forming their opinion of me? 

I fucking hate life. I don’t see the purpose in it. Where is the joy? Where is the fun? What’s the purpose of it?  I’m fucking tired of it!!

  

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About Avictimnomore

Lost soul, trying to find myself. Trying to learn to be a survivor of child sexual abuse, the death of my parents when I was a teen, and being disowned by my remaining family.
This entry was posted in adoption, adult survivor of child abuse, awareness, child abuse, death, depression and anxiety, depression awareness, incest, love, parent death, sexual abuse, suicide, suicide prevention, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Just in case….

  1. Eliana Tova says:

    Hey, I’m sorry. I can relate a lot right now. I think a lot of it for me is perceived because of my insecurities. For instance, I struggle with feeling loved. I have a father figure who loves me, but unless he’s directly showing me love, my perception is that he no longer loves me; and life seems to suck when no one seems to love me. However, it’s a false perception, and I just need to remember the truth. He loves me even when he’s not directly showing it. And there are people who love you too, even if it doesn’t always seem like it.

    I don’t know if that’s somewhat relatable, but we could chat more if you want.

    • cr8zynfl says:

      That totally makes sense. My healthy conscience self knows that is true, but the unhealthy child mind inside feels those insecurities. It would be nice to chat sometime. Thanks

  2. Shay Griffin says:

    I love you. God loves you, I’m here

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