Today is one of those days. I’ve been having “one of those days” since last Friday. Really, it probably all started with Mother’s Day. All the pictures and memories of my mom and grandmother. Got me really thinking a lot. 

I keep a journal of all my important thoughts and happenings so I remember to discuss them with my therapist on Tuesday. The good thing about talking to a therapist, if you have a good one, is they listen intently, never make you feel bad or stupid and will usually be able to rationalize those thoughts. Not so much with many people I’m able to talk to in my daily life. Some people prefer not to talk about it at all and others just don’t understand. 

Many times I have a sense of loneliness because it feels like I don’t have anyone to talk to throughout the week. I know it’s a lot for people in my life to constantly hear about how I’m feeling. I’m sure my depression and PTSD are a lot to handle. That being said, I feel that it is very important to be able to share my thoughts and feelings and visa versa in any relationship that is meaningful.  Doesn’t it help in the understanding of each other?  

I find the therapist/patient relationship a difficult one. Not necessarily at the time I am seeing that particular therapist, but after that relationship is over. Usually, in my case, when they move on to another job or position. 

After talking about this with my therapist today, she assures me that it is perfectly normal to have feelings of sadness and missing your previous therapist. After all, look at the relationship that you develop with that person. Trusting them with your innermost secrets and feelings. Opening up, being vulnerable to another person who never hurts you or belittles your feelings. That’s a meaningful relationship that I think everyone wants and desires in their life. 

I’m kind of like a dog. I have separation anxiety issues. I’ve always lost anyone meaningful to me in the past and I’m tired of it. 

I know I am going to deeply miss my therapist when she moves on but hopefully that won’t be for some time. At least not until I’m ready would be nice. 


About Avictimnomore

Lost soul, trying to find myself. Trying to learn to be a survivor of child sexual abuse, the death of my parents when I was a teen, and being disowned by my remaining family.
This entry was posted in adult survivor of child abuse, anxiety, awareness, child abuse, depression and anxiety, PTSD, sexual abuse, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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