Category Archives: death

Another Episode

Yes, I had another HUGE anxiety episode today. I didn’t bother to mention the big trigger I had Thursday.  I’ve started my new medication and it can’t start working fast enough. Basically it’s like three weeks without depression or anxiety … Continue reading

Posted in adoption, adult survivor of child abuse, anxiety, awareness, brother, Complex PTSD, death, depression and anxiety, Diabetes, weight, diet, healthy, kidneys, incest, love, parent death, PTSD, sexual abuse, suicide, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

SCREAM WITH ME

Ever feel like dying, ever feel alone, Ever feel like cryin’, lost child in a store, Ever feel life pushing, shoving you away, Ever feel like breaking down, funeral in the rain Feel like slipping away Stand in the corner … Continue reading

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Managing Emotions

One of the things difficult for me, as a result of childhood sexual abuse, is my inability to handle my emotions.  I used to think that I dealt with my emotions well. Now I see that is not the case. … Continue reading

Posted in adult survivor of child abuse, anxiety, brother, child abuse, death, depression and anxiety, incest, PTSD, sexual abuse, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

I really fucking hate my life sometimes. 

I keep trying and trying. Try to be a good person, try to be kind.  Try to learn how to work with my depression and anxiety. Trying to learn how to change the way I feel and react to things. … Continue reading

Posted in adult survivor of child abuse, anxiety, brother, child abuse, Complex PTSD, death, depression and anxiety, incest, parent death, PTSD, sexual abuse, suicide, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Whew!

That was a rough week. One of the shittiest I’ve had in months. I won’t say that it’s all over or I’m all better now, but I do feel a little better and have gained back some control of my … Continue reading

Posted in adoption, adult survivor of child abuse, brother, child abuse, Complex PTSD, death, depression and anxiety, Diabetes, weight, diet, healthy, kidneys, incest, love, parent death, PTSD, sexual abuse, suicide prevention, Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Crazy Experiment? 

I went off my meds today. I actually started last night with my 5pm pills being the last of the day. No insulin or METFORMIN before bed.  No high blood pressure pills. No anxiety meds or depression meds. I take … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, child abuse, death, depression and anxiety, Diabetes, weight, diet, healthy, kidneys, PTSD, suicide, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Kind Words

Yesterday I had individual therapy. Even though we talked about things I’d done in the past that still doesn’t make me feel very good about myself, I left feeling pretty decent. I wasn’t sad or depressed, or disgusted with myself. I do … Continue reading

Posted in adult survivor of child abuse, awareness, brother, child abuse, death, depression and anxiety, depression awareness, Diabetes, weight, diet, healthy, kidneys, incest, love, parent death, sexual abuse, suicide, suicide prevention, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Why?

Sometimes I don’t even know why I try! Why do I struggle to stay alive? Why do I keep going to therapy? To group? Why do I try and watch my blood sugar?  Why do I take all of my … Continue reading

Posted in adult survivor of child abuse, child abuse, death, depression and anxiety, incest, love, parent death, sexual abuse, suicide, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Broken

With a lot of hard work from the outside forces in my life, I’ve finally broken down.  Thank you everyone and anything that has contributed. Congratulations on doing your part! It’s just not possible to be up and reasonably happy, … Continue reading

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More feelings, more hate……

I’m still thinking too much.  I want it to stop.  My therapist says it’s good for me.  Now, if only I could cry. That’s supposed to be the best part.  I came across this article tonight, thought I would share … Continue reading

Posted in adoption, adult survivor of child abuse, awareness, brother, child abuse, death, depression and anxiety, depression awareness, incest, love, parent death, sexual abuse, suicide, suicide prevention, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment